Sex therapist and author of Sex Tips for Busy People, Jacqueline Hellyer gives tips on how to sauce up your sex life.
"If we want fast food - we get McDonalds, but if we want a beautiful meal, we take time pouring over cookbooks, buying ingredients, creating a nice atmosphere and preparing. The same goes for having great sex."
That sex should "just happen" is one of the myths Hellyer is intent on dispelling. We need to create "the conditions that enable desire," she says. "People are trying to eat meals with nothing in the kitchen."
This, Hellyer believes, is why so many relationships lose their sexual sparkle. But it's possible to regain it, she says, if we take the time to refill our pantries of love, so to speak.
* Commune with your partner. "Hang out together, have a glass of wine or a cup of tea and chat - not [necessarily] the logistics of love, just chat about stuff."
* Set aside time for intimacy. "It's not unromantic [to schedule time]. It's necessary."
* Start going to bed earlier. "The focus doesn't have to be on having sex, but viewing each other in a sensual way."
* Be nice. "It's a radical concept, but be nice to each other, just like you were in the beginning."
* Understand that you have to make the effort. "People want a fabulous sex life. They tell me they want it to be spontaneous like it was in the beginning. But it was never spontaneous. In the beginning, people plan - they shave, they put on nice underwear. Half the excitement is the anticipation of what they know is coming."
* Treat your partner like your lover. "In the beginning it's exciting because we're doing stuff that brings out the best in each other. Slobbing around in scungies picking your nose and scratching your balls [doesn't create an environment conducive to sex]."
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